Rate this poem please! be brutal as u want?

I'd say it's rather mediocre however i believe with a bit of practice you will get a lot better at it. Fundamentally you should hold a decent point in poetry and also have it structured well with the write words in the right context with moderation and creativity. Also it's usually preferred with no cursing present, poetry is an art of classiness and immaturity holds no place in good poetry. In my opinion the two keys to good poetry are firstly a profound and solid point which often lies in a projection of a sense of justice or anything else which holds some merit of maturity for itself. The second key is that of structure and vocabulary. the novice will use simple rhymes like cat and mat and also string them together in ways that seem forced and not fluent as if it were properly spoken. Not sure if you were actually interested in this type of response but if you're keen on poetry this should make sense as some simple guidelines.